Those Phrases given by My Father That Rescued Us when I became a New Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of being a father.

But the reality quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct words "You are not in a good place. You must get some help. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a wider inability to talk between men, who often absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - going on a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the language of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the best way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their pain, altered how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."